| Articles for Relationships |
1 (866) COUNSEL
|
Relationships
The Anger Difference: Are Men or Women Angrier?
When you read these words, somewhere in America, a couple is arguing. Both shout in anger. He walks away ignoring her, knowing that will make her angrier. She follows him into another room, still venting her rage. Finally, without warning, he turns and strikes her, ending the argument. Our first... Read More
Dealing with Difficult Relationships: Building Strength and Setting Boundaries
Do the closest people to you bring great joy or deep pain? The answer may reveal the level of relationship connection you have with them, as well as indicate if your future together will be blessed with contentment or broken up by conflict. If you are confused about your relationships or spend ... Read More
9 Things You Simply Must Do (to succeed in love and life!)
I remember when it first happened, but I do remember the feeling. It was like being in an episode of The X Files—or more accurately, a strong sense of déjà vu. I would be talking with someone, either in therapy or a consulting role, or even in a business situation, and I would think, wait a minut... Read More
Abusers and True Repentance
As a psychologist and seminary professor, I frequently entertain questions about the timeline for forgiveness and reconciliation in situations of domestic or familial sexual abuse. Most frequently, church leaders want to know when it is appropriate to encourage a victim of abuse to allow an offen... Read More
Anger and Violence: Paying Attention to Causes of Anger and Violence
Engraved on the hallway arch of Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, is the proclamation: “The finest kids in America pass through these halls.” In 1999, two of American’s “finest” became killers. Months later, a man, with no history of violence, killed his wife and children and then nin... Read More
Emotional Abuse: The Abuse Beneath Abuse
Abuse in the context of an intimate relationship involves a persistent pattern of behaviors. It is not simply a mistake, an isolated incident or a sudden loss of control. The husband, who engages in this style of relating, misuses his wife for selfish ends and violates her dignity and self-determ... Read More
Iceberg Personality Principle
90% of an iceberg is under the water, leaving only a tiny amount exposed above the surface. Like an iceberg, a large portion of our personality is hidden from view. Most of who we really are is typically covered up and tightly protected from ever being seen by others. The Bible teaches this pri... Read More
Restoring Broken Men
I don’t get it. I’ve owned up to my mistake and apologized. Why can’t my wife just forgive me, get over it and let things get back to normal?” It would be one thing if Tom’s “mistake” was forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning or getting caught drinking from the milk jug. But I was sitting across... Read More
Timing Is Everything for the Single Woman
Take stock of your life. Where are you right now? So you are single. For now that is God’s assigned season for your life, so live in the moment and make the best of it. Seasons do change—but wearing summer clothes in the middle of winter has never made summer come any sooner. Therefore, d... Read More
Men Counseling Women
Although a book could easily be written on the subject of men counseling women, on a page or two it is necessary to get straight to the main dynamics of transference and countertransference in therapy. (And while I am not a Freudian or psychoanalytic therapist, I do believe that all counselors sh... Read More
Addicted to Love
Few issues in women are more hidden than sexual addiction. Depression, anxiety, even childhood sexual abuse and eating disorders receive more attention. Neither the clinical field nor the recovery community has directed much attention to this secret struggle in women. A Google search reveals only... Read More
Toward a More Comprehensive Understanding of Wifely Submission
A divorcee lamented, “If only I had spoken to my husband about his abuse of me in the first five years of our marriage, we’d still be together. I didn’t know that I was allowed to speak up. He would have listened back then.” A dedicated Christian, she had been taught that she must “submit in sile... Read More
How to Tell a Safe Man from an Unsafe Man
You’re in your counseling office with Shannon, a pleasant, attractive single woman in her mid-thirties, who has come to you for help with relationship issues. Shannon reports that the man she has been dating has gradually become verbally abusive with her. In addition, her description of this man ... Read More
Domestic Violence Among Believers: Confronting the Destructive Secret
Sitting next to you at church, behind the plastic smiles and hearty handshakes, is a family hiding an insidious secret that is destroying their lives. One in every four women in each church community is currently being abused by their partner, or has experienced abuse at some time in the past. On... Read More
High Maintenance Relationships
This is a study of how couples talk to each other about not feeling well. Kandi Walker and Fran Dickson reported on 53 couples who provided interview and questionnaire information having been contacted through convenience sampling procedures. The couples reported an average age of 43 years (range... Read More
Fatal Altercations Consumed WIth Jealousy
Jealousy is a popular subject in media and the arts. From the wicked Queen in Disney’s classic Snow White, to the disturbing 1987 movie hit, Fatal Attraction with “Alex’s” deathly obsession of “Dan,” to the repulsive character of “Gollum/Smeagol” in the Tolkien-tale-turnedmodern- cinematic-blockb... Read More
Dual Relationships in Counseling and Ministry
The subject of dual relationships in the helping professions has received increased attention over the past years (Borys & Pope, 1989; Koocher & Keith- Spiegel, 1998; Reamer, 2003; Nigro, 2004). Dual relationships may occur in many forms. St. Germaine (1993, 1996) suggests that dual or multiple r... Read More
Research Digest: Ethical, Legal and Professional Practice Issues
*Parent and Teen Views of Assent in Research* Brody, J. l., Sherer, D. G., Annett, R. D., & Pearson-bish, m. (2003). Voluntary assent in biomedical research with adolescents: A comparison of parent and adolescent views. Ethics & Behavior, 13 (1), 79-95. Janet Brody and her colleagues at the Univ... Read More
Defining Moments: Boundaries and Dual Relationships
The book entitled Boundaries by John Townsend and Henry Cloud is a classic piece of work, which provides us an opportunity to peek into the crucible of our lives and assists us in evaluating whether we have set appropriate parameters for ourselves. Townsend and Cloud make several statements which... Read More
High Enthusiasm Best for Relationships
How a mate responds to positive events may have more to do to deepen marital ties than how one responds to negative news, according to research reported in The Monitor on Psychology (Jan. 2007). To put it another way, enthusiastic support to good news by one’s spouse led to higher relationsh... Read More