Love and Belonging

 

 

PORTRAITS

 

 Kathy has jumped from church to church. No matter where she goes, she just

doesn’t seem to fit in.

Ben grew up without a dad, a fact that plagues him daily. He often wonders

what it would have been like to have grown up with both parents.

 

Sue would like to meet new people, but she doesn’t seem to have the skills necessary to do so. She ends up staying at home in order to avoid being embarrassed.

 

DEFINITIONS AND KEY THOUGHTS

 

Everyone needs to feel like they belong.

 

It is important to a person’s emotional well being to have the opportunity to

both show and receive love.

 

Truly happy and contented people will attribute their well being to their friends

and family. What they’re saying is, “I have been blessed by the love I have been

able to receive from others.”

 

While everyone has an emotional need for love and belonging, the level of that

love may vary from person to person. Some are perfectly content with feeling

loved by and belonging to a few close people while others thrive on being loved

and accepted by a wide variety of people and/or organizations.

 

A key thought to consider is how the person perceives the love or lack thereof.

We all need to be loved and accepted, but no one will be loved by everyone.

A person may receive love from a number of individuals yet dwell on the one

person that will not accept him. He feels that he is unworthy because he has

been rejected by one person, yet he has been widely accepted by others.

 

People must give love in order to receive love. The second greatest commandment,

Mark 12:31, is to love your neighbor as yourself. This is not a suggestion

or a good idea, but a commandment.

 

When we love others, regardless of whether it’s warranted or not, we are freeing

ourselves to be loved as well.

 

Love Languages

 

Gary Chapman wrote a book a few years back that described five different

“love languages”—ways that people say, “I love you.”

 

Words of Affirmation—Do you need verbal praise and encouragement? Do

you thrive on verbal praise, tone of voice, kindness, and thank yous? Do

you love it when people compliment you to your face and to others (directly

and indirectly)? Do you love getting notes and e-mails? Do you need

verbal affirmation? Do you do this for others you care about?

 

Quality Time—Do you love having people’s undivided attention? Do you like

it when people come over and just hang out? Do you like to plan activities

to do with others? Do you like quality conversations? Do you enjoy the give

and take of asking questions and listening? Do you really like to get inside

people’s heads and find out what they’re thinking?

 

Gifts—Do you like visual symbols of love? Gifts can come in any shape or

size—maybe someone just brings you a cup of coffee at work or tosses

a candy bar your way. The cost doesn’t matter; it’s truly the thought that

counts. Do you find yourself doing this for others?

 

Acts of Service—Do you like to do things for others, and have them help you

out as well? Someone steps in to help on a project; someone washes your

car; someone makes you dinner—and you eagerly do the same types of

things for your friends.

 

Physical Touch—Are you a “toucher”? Do you give pats on the back and

hugs—all of which mean nothing but friendship? Do you appreciate that

kind of physical touch from others?

 

 Determine what language you use to let people know you love them—do you spend time with them, do you do things for them? In turn, you should look at the people in your life and determine what their love languages are. Those people may be saying, “I love you,” but you may not be hearing it because it isn’t your love language. For example: your friends might be coming over to hang out (quality time) and you want them to say how much they like hanging out (words of affirmation).

 

You might give gifts to your friends, and they just don’t get it.

 

You might hug your friends (physical touch) and they’re put off.

 

Determining one’s own love language, and understanding the love language of those around, will go a long way to communicating the love that is truly there.

 

 

Faith, like light,

should always be

simple, and unbending;

while love, like

warmth, should

beam forth on every

side, and bend to

every necessity of

our brethren.

—MARTIN LUTHER

 

To love is to be

vulnerable.

—C.S. LEWIS

 

Condescend to all

weaknesses and

infirmities of your

fellow creatures,

cover their frailties,

love their excellencies,

encourage their

virtues, relieve their

wants, rejoice in their

friendship, overlook

their unkindness, forgive

their malice, and

condescend to do the

lowest offices to the

lowest of mankind.

—WILLIAM LAW

 

 

If you judge people,

you have no time to

love them.

—MOTHER TERESA

 

 

Joy is love exalted;

peace is love in

repose; long-suffering

is love enduring;

gentleness is love

in society; goodness

is love in action;

faith is love on the

battlefield; meekness

is love in school; and

temperance is love in

training.

—D.L. MOODY

 

WISE COUNSEL

 

Nobody comes into counseling saying they need to feel loved and that they need

to belong. Instead, not receiving love and belonging will exhibit itself with the

following symptoms:

feeling depressed

Lacking energy

Having no zest for life

Having no desire to be social

Not feeling fulfilled.

 

 

You must go out of your way to include others in your life. This can seem

uncomfortable or awkward but it is necessary. You cannot sit and home and feel

sorry for yourself or feel that others should come to you.

The church is a great way to get involved with other people. It is a place that offers

you the opportunity to minister to others as well as be ministered to. Ask your

church how you might get involved.

 

ACTION STEPS

 

1. Be Realistic

 

Everyone needs to feel loved and accepted, but no one will be loved and

accepted by everyone.

 

It’s OK to have someone not like or not be at peace with you. It is unreasonable to expect that your friends or family will never be upset or disappointed. As much as is in you be at peace with all men. But it won’t always happen.

 

2. Refuse to Be Offended

 

It doesn’t matter who your friends are or what family you belong to or where

you work, the opportunity to be offended will come. Wherever people are

together, sparks will fly. Do not take the opportunity to be offended.

 

Too many people leave friends, jobs, organizations, or even marriages

because they have been offended. This is not the answer. You must work

through these situations if you expect to grow and mature into the person

God wants you to be.

 

3. Get Involved

 

Find an activity that will force you to associate with other people. The actual

activity or hobby is immaterial. The goal is to get into a situation where

other people will get to know you better.

 

Join a club or organization or ministry that they haven’t been a part of before—

and be committed for no less than three months of involvement.

 

Write in a journal about the social interaction you experience.

 

Call someone from the newly acquired ministry or club at least once a week.

 

4. Listen to the Love Language

 

Being loved is often the result of showing love.

 

Listen to the love languages—both what you say and what others are saying

to you.

 

 

The greatest happiness

of life is the

conviction that we

are loved—loved for

ourselves, or rather,

loved in spite of

ourselves.

—VICTOR HUGO

 

 

Love is an action,

an activity. It is not a

feeling.

—M. SCOTT PECK

 

BIBLICAL INSIGHTS

 

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if

they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

for he has no one to help him up. —Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10

 

The Preacher observed the importance of friendships. God created people to

be in relationship with Him and in relationships with one another.

 

Friends who work on a task can rejoice together in its accomplishment. Friends

can help each other—if one should fall, the other is there to “help him up.”

 

Those who have both a strong relationship with God and strong friendships

with other believers will have bonds that strengthen life’s joys and limit life’s

sorrows.

 

Friendships among believers are precious, for they have the bond of Christ and

of eternity. We should both find good friends and be good friends.

 

“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love

has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” —John 15:12, 13

 

Jesus gave two commandments to His followers: “Love Me,” and “love each

other.” Jesus said that His followers should love each other as He loved them.

 

So great was that love that Jesus would give His life for them. We are to love

others as Jesus loved us. We probably won’t have to die for anyone, but we show

our great love for others by listening, helping, encouraging, and giving. Christ’s

humble, sacrificial love is our example.

 

[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. —1

Corinthians 13:7

 

Bears all things” means that love shelters or covers.

 

“Believes all things” means that love never loses faith in others and is willing to

think the best of them.

 

“Hopes all things” means that love looks forward with optimism, knowing that

God works all things together for good.

 
“Endures all things” means that love holds on. In the end, love never fails and

it never ends.

 

When we love, we take part in eternity. We can ask God to perfect our love for

Him and for others.

 

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born

of God and knows God. —1 John 4:7

 

God authored the concept of love. When people become believers, they learn

how to “love one another” because the Spirit within shows them how as they

yield to His leading.

 

Christian relationships ought to be the most loving in the world. Christians

who meet each other for the first time experience a bond of love that transcends

understanding.

 

The love that binds Christians makes for solid and eternal relationships. Th e

love in our relationships reveals God in us.

 

 

Real love is not

earned, it is simply

received.

 

 

PRAYER STARTER

 

Thank You for the love You have shown me through Your Son, dear Lord. Thank

You for the others You have placed in my life. Even so, today I have an overwhelming feeling of not belonging, of not being loved. I pray that You will reveal to me the special person You created me to be, and show me that love from others is often the result of showing love . . .