Portraits

 

• David and his wife fight constantly. Last week Dave got so angry that he took a glass vase and smashed it against the wall.
• At 16, Sarah feels she is just a burden to her busy mom. So Sarah locks herself in her bedroom with the stereo at maximum volume.
• Brian’s new supervisor has been pushing him all day. Wanting to turn off the world, he goes home and drinks himself into a stupor.
• Jenny has it in for her roommate, who has left the apartment in disarray for the last time. She’d love to throw all of her roommate’s belongings out into the yard.
  

DEFINITIONS AND KEY THOUGHTS

• Anger is a God-given powerful emotion (Ephesians 4:26) with intensity that ranges from being frustrated to severe fury. It can last from a few seconds to a lifetime. In and of itself, anger is not a sin. What we do in our anger determines whether or not we sin.
• Anger is best understood as a state of readiness. It is a natural response to a real or perceived injustice inspiring a powerful alertness that allows us to defend good or attack evil. Even Jesus showed anger (Mark 3:5).
• Anger is mentioned over 500 times in scripture, the only emotion in the Bible more common than anger is love. Anger first appears in Genesis 4:5 and last appears in Revelation 19:15.
• Anger can lead to healthy or unhealthy behavior. Assertiveness is a healthy response to anger that involves problem-solving and compassion. Aggression is an unhealthy response to anger that involves hurting or controlling others,revenge, or hatred.
• Anger, when it is an automatic response to a situation, is considered a primary emotion. Anger can also be a secondary emotion, meaning it is felt in reaction to another feeling such as fear, hurt, or sadness.
  

Reasons we get angry:

• A RESPONSE To a person, situation, or event, to an imaginary or anticipated event, or to memories of traumatic or enraging situations.
• A RESPONSE To a real or perceived injustice or hurt— in the form of frustration, betrayal, deprivation, injustice, exploitation, manipulation, criticism, violence, disapproval, humiliation, intimidation, threats, etc.
• A RESPONSE When a boundary in our lives has been crossed.

Symptom Assessment and Expressions of Anger

Expressions of Anger
Anger always finds an expression. People handle anger in one of three ways:

1. Repression—to deny anger’s presence. This is unhealthy because even though it may not be observable, the anger is still present—turned inward upon the person. Repressed anger can lead to numerous emotional and physical problems including depression, anxiety, hypertension, and ulcers.
2. Suppression—to acknowledge anger and then stuff it. With this approach to coping, one redirects anger-driven energy into healthy or unhealthy behavior.
3. Expression—Healthy expression involves gentle assertiveness; unhealthy expression involves aggressiveness that hurts others. Persons expressing anger in this way might say “At least you know where I’m coming from!” however they refuse to acknowledge the destructive force of their expression.
   

Levels of Anger

• Irritation—a feeling of discomfort brought about by someone or something.
• Indignation—a feeling that something must be answered; something wrong must be corrected.
• Wrath—a strong desire to avenge.
• Fury—the partial loss of emotional control.
• Rage—a loss of control involving aggression or an act of violence.
• Hostility—a persistent form of anger and an enmity toward others that becomes rooted in one’s personality. This affects one’s entire outlook on the world and life.
  

Causes of Anger

• External causes—Anger can be a response to harm that someone has inflicted (a physical attack, insult, abandonment) or to a circumstance where there is no person at fault (100-degree days, physical illness, highway traffic).
• Internal causes—Anger is sometimes caused exclusively by an individual’s misperceptions of reality or destructive thinking about normal life issues (“I should not have to pay taxes!”), memories of traumatic events past, medications, or health issues.
  

A Biblical Approach to Dealing with Anger

Anger is one of the most common and complex emotions that we all experience to a greater or lesser degree. The topic of anger has been the subject of many Christian and secular books, articles, and seminars. However, it is evident that the approaches to dealing with anger differ along theological lines among Christians and theoretical orientations among secular mental health professionals. In order to reduce any confusion that evolves from these different views, this article will attempt to use a biblical approach to dealing with anger.

“In Your Anger Do Not Sin”
Dealing with feelings of anger can be a difficult and long term process. It is evident that any attempt at working through these issues requires guidance from the Word of God. With this in mind, let us examine the words of Paul who exhorted, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:16-27). Paul suggested that anger is not only an acceptable emotion, but also an expected and natural phenomenon. The Revised Standard Version of the Bible (rsv) interprets this verse as, “Be angry and sin not.” By using the word and rather than but, the rsv softens the antithesis between the two conjunctions. Hence, it may be better understood as affirming the God-given emotion of anger, yet being careful not to sin. Paul went on to exhort Christians to deal with their anger as quickly as possible in a way that serves to build relationships rather than destroy them. Adams states that “day by day, week by week, Christians ought to to be dealing with interpersonal problems so that they do not pile up.”1 Indeed, counselees should be encouraged to straighten out conflicts with others before nightfall. Adams describes how anger can quickly grow, creating an opportunity for Satan to tempt the believer into sin. Simpson and Bruce contend that when anger is not dealt with immediately, “we lay ourselves open to the encroaching tactics of Satan, and permit him to gain an entrenchment within our lines of defense. God has given us those passions ‘under lock and key.’ We must never allow the infernal housebreaker to pick the lock and gain entrance unawares.”2 It is often difficult to acknowledge anger without expressing it in a sinful way. Some counselors have advocated that when experiencing rage, one must ventilate by punching a pillow, hitting a couch with a plastic baseball bat, throwing rocks, or breaking glass.3 Lee adds, “If you are angry at a particular person, imagine his or her face on the pillow or punching bag, and vent your rage physically and verbally.”4 Some self-help writers advocate methods of dealing with anger that stop short of encouraging people to physically attack those at whom they are angry. The popular belief in catharsis theory continues to be employed by many counselors despite its dismal record in research findings. Travis contends that “the belief that observing violence (or ventilating it) gets rid of hostilities has Christian Counseling today • 000 Vol. 8 no. virtually never been supported by research.”5 Indeed, Bushman, Baumeister, and Stack have found that cathartic approaches to dealing with anger do more to promote aggressive behavior than diminish it.6

Accept Your Anger and Lift It Up to God
While anger in itself is not sinful, how people react to it often is. Indeed, the first inclination in response to feelings of rage is to express it immediately at someone or something. Solomon writes, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man, holding it back quiets it” (Prov. 29:11). When David experienced feelings of fear or anger, he brought those emotions to the Lord in prayer. In Psalm 140, we observe David responding to unjust persecution by praying to God. He writes, “Rescue me, O Lord, from evil men; protect me from men of violence, who devise evil plans in their hearts and stir up war every day” (Ps. 140:1). David could have easily expressed his anger outwardly toward those who had persecuted him. Instead, he placed his trust in God: “Let burning coals fall upon them; may they be thrown into the fire, into miry pits, never to rise” (Ps. 140:10). David trusted in God and did not take it upon himself to carelessly act upon his anger. When clients don’t acknowledge anger before the Lord, they allow Satan a stronghold, which can lead to other sinful behaviors. In an article that appeared in Moody Magazine, George Sweeting described the difficulty that Alexander the Great experienced trying to control his temper. “On one occasion, Cletus, a childhood friend and general in his army became intoxicated and ridiculed the emperor in front of his men. Blinded by anger, Alexander snatched a spear and hurled it at Cletus. Although he had intended only to scare the drunken general, the spear took his friend’s life.”7 Alexander was able to conquer many nations, but he was unable to control his own anger. Consequently, his uncontrollable rage led him to commit sins that he would later regret. Those who persevere in sinful anger provide an opportunity for the anger to control the believer rather than the believer controlling the anger.

Live in Harmony with the Will of God
Quite often, clients will experience feelings of anger because they are focused on their own selfish desires and emotions and not on the things that matter to God.8 Indeed, Franke contends that the more that Christians are in accord with the will of God, the greater the overlap between the things that anger us and the things that anger God. Excessive anger is often a result of selfishness or pride. Many clients may report feelings of anger related to selfish desires, such as not being respected enough or a spouse is not meeting their needs. During these times, the focus is upon the self and not God. Powlison notes that when selfish “cravings rule our [clients] lives, they directly compete with God Himself for lordship.”9 Indeed, when we observe the conflicts that arise out of selfish anger, we are “witnessing people obeying the desires of a different lord.”10 The New Testament reveals that Jesus experienced anger on occasion. For example, in Mark 3:1ff, after he healed a crippled man on the Sabbath, the Pharisees plotted to kill Jesus. He “looked around at them in anger” because of the stubbornness of their hearts (Mk. 3:5). Jesus was not angered because of selfishness; he was angered because the Pharisees didn’t have compassion on the crippled man in the synagogue. It is important that counselors help clients reflect upon their own anger, to stop and determine if their rage reflects godly concerns or self-centeredness. Clients may become increasingly attuned to the will of God by allowing the Word to become infused within their cognitive processes. Believers are called to be “transformed by the renewing of their mind[s]” (Rom. 12:2). Counselors may encourage counselees to meditate on the Word, think of godly things, and speak of godly things (Eph. 4: 29; 1 Pet. 4:11; Phil. 4:8; Josh. 1:8). As James notes, the Word of God is like a mirror. Counselors may remind their clients that as they continue to study the Word, they may start to see the inconsistencies that exist between God’s teachings and their personal lives. Counselors can assist the client in processing feelings associated with these inconsistencies.

Forgive Those for Whom You Hold Anger
Many times, counselees may experience feelings of anger and rage because others have hurt them in the past. Rather than forgive them, they hold onto the memories of what they did, sometimes continually replaying the offenses in their minds. Consequently, they feel justified in holding grudges. From a worldly perspective, it may be quite rational and justifiable to hold onto anger and bitterness. After all, one may reason: That person doesn’t deserve forgiveness. However, the burden brought about by another person’s harmful actions often inflicts more pain on the one who needs to forgive than on the one who needs to be forgiven.11 Indeed, the refusal to forgive others can result in “the acid of resentment and hate eating away at [one’s] peace and calmness.”12 The challenge that counselors must face is to help clients recognize that God’s forgiveness of them allows them to forgive others. As clients begin to see that they have been saved by grace, through the blood of Jesus, their perspective on the wrongdoing becomes transformed. They recognize that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). Counselors may encourage clients to talk about their past relationships in the counseling milieu. The client may be harboring feelings of bitterness and resentment towards someone in his past. Crabb notes that “the [emotional] damage inflicted on us by others’ mistreatment lingers for years and surfaces long after the harmful relationship has ended.”13 Unleashing these memories may be very painful. The counselor may facilitate the therapeutic process by employing basic counseling techniques such as reflection of feeling and empathic listening. It may require several sessions, but the objective for the counselor is to help the client restore fellowship with God and to forgive those who have caused pain.

Conclusion
As we work with clients to resolve issues of anger, let us keep in mind how Jesus maintained self-control by remaining focused on the will of his Father. It is important to emphasize that the explication of anger in our clients’ lives is a supernatural process brought about by the Holy Spirit. Counselors may encourage counselees to bring their feelings of anger to the Lord in prayer. They may further help clients by presenting a caring and supportive attitude, which may help clients to feel free to express past experiences that may have contributed to the deep-seated anger. Through recognizing these past hurts, the counselor may help the client to see the importance of forgiveness. Counselees may find resolution to their anger issues as they become increasingly attuned to the will of God. At all points in the counseling process, the counselor may find supervision with an experienced clinician helpful in working through the complex issues that may evolve in therapy.