Engraved on the hallway arch of Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, is the proclamation: “The finest kids in America pass through these halls.” In 1999, two of American’s “finest” became killers. Months later, a man, with no history of violence, killed his wife and children and then nine strangers before shooting himself. A 13- year-old reads an ad for a Sony video game, “Get in touch with your gun-toting, testosterone- pumping, cold-blooded murdering side.” And the popularity of Jerry Springer and pro wrestling grows as “entertainment” for children attention to the multiple contributors and intervene when possible. Individual Pain One of the underlying causes of violence is individual pain and rejection. Many of our clients layers of anger that have built up over the years. Beneath the anger is hurt and loss. Anger expression is often defined by gender. Girls and women tend to go internal with anger. Often they don\’t give a voice to anger or act out in rage against others. Gender socialization plays a role in this difference. From an early age, girls often are given permission to express a full range of emotions. Boys, on the other hand, may be given the message that anger is the only acceptable emotion. Boys raised in a gender straightjacket learn to hide their true feelings of pain and shame. They suffer silently and put on the accepted masculine mask. Anger mounts. When shame and fear fuel anger, it can erupt into violence against the self (suicide) and against others (homicide). Usually, something triggers violence—shame, disconnection, or not living up to the acceptable masculine role. Warning signs may include several of the following: risk taking that includes violent acts, difficulty with authority figures, obsession with violent pop culture, gang involvement, in a culture of divorce in which we try to justify the absence of fathers. According to Blankenhorn, “We have too many boys with guns, because we have too few fathers.”1 Fatherlessness is a primary factor of violence among young men.
Cultural Pain The amount of exposure to media violence is staggering. By the age of 18, a typical child has witnessed an estimated 200,000 acts of violence, including 25,000 murders on TV alone.2 Add violent movies, music, video games, and Internet sites to these statistics, and the effects can be harmful to a person at risk. Research shows that media violence affects children by increasing aggressiveness and antisocial behavior.3 It increases their fear of becoming victims, makes them less sensitive to violence and to victims of violence, and increases their appetite for more violence in entertainment and real life. Leonard Eron, professor emeritus at the University of Chicago, succinctly sums up the effects of TV alone: “There can no longer be any doubt that heavy exposure to televised violence is one of the causes of aggressive behavior, crime and violence in society. The evidence comes from the laboratory and real-life studies. Television violence affects youngsters of all ages, of both genders, at all socioeconomic levels and all levels of intelligence. The effect is not limited to children who are already disposed to being aggressive and is not restricted to this country.”4
National and Spiritual Pain Nationally, we sanction killing and acts of violence. From abortion and euthanasia to war, violence is politically correct. Innocent people are bombed, aborted, and put out of their misery. Terrorism abounds around the world. The nightly news brings graphic images of world violence into our homes in living color and stereo sound. Daily, we are desensitized to acts of cruelty and killing. Our public educational system seems to support the notion that we are inherently good, therefore who needs God. In truth, we are all born into sin, and evil abounds in the human heart. Yet we ignore the evil within us. We dare not talk about sin. Often sin and evil are assumed to be embraced only by the uneducated or unsophisticated. We live in a postmodern culture in which everything is relative. Nothing is absolute. We’ve lost our spiritual foundation. We’ve lost our grounding. As a result, we’ve lost our decency. It seems obvious that we are reaping what we have sown. So how do we stand against the tide of violence that appears to be drowning our kids and filling our prisons? How do we as therapists treat all the levels of collective pain? We treat the person in context—as an individual who lives in a family, influenced by the culture and national climate. We also recognize the battle is not just flesh and blood, but spiritual as well.
Deal with the Individual Hold the child accountable for his or her actions. Accept no excuses for violent acts. Since violence is a learned behavior, it can be unlearned. Focus on accountability as you treat the individual: • Help both genders express anger in nonviolent ways. Teach anger management and skills such as relaxation and prayer that are incompatible with violent responses. • Recognize anger as a possible sign of depression. Treat the underlying depression in order to prevent suicide or homicide. • Identify bullies at an early age. Kids identified as bullies at age 8 are three times more likely to break the law by age 30. • Take it seriously when someone talks about hurting animals or people. • Don’t ignore peer conflicts. Try to help kids solve problems and stay connected with healthy peer groups. • Help boys and men break out of the “Boy Code” and into healthy models of masculinity.
Deal with the Family The single biggest protective factor for children is parents. Keep this in mind as you work to treat the family: • Work to keep parents and kids connected in an environment that is safe and filled with love. • There is no substitute for time— quality and quantity—with a child. • Parents need to know their children emotionally and spiritually. • Help families decrease stress. • Keep parental concerns within the parental subsystem. Children should not be burdened with adult concerns. • Make it a goal for parents to know their children’s friends and activities. • Teach families to resolve interpersonal conflict and solve problems in nonviolent ways. • Teach parents to set limits and to use appropriate discipline methods with their children. • Work with parents to be good role models of anger management. • Treat abuse and psychiatric disorders of any family members. • Encourage regular family activities. • Bring back fathers. Help fathers develop meaningful and sustained relationships with their children, regardless of their circumstances.
Deal with Violent Media Teach parents and children to become media discerners. They must talk about why certain films, TV shows, lyrics, websites, and video games are inappropriate for viewing or listening. Many parents aren’t even familiar with popular media or are unaware of the viewing habits of their children. Parents have to know and discern in order to teach their sons and daughters the same. The goal is to decrease the amount of violence that enters the home or peer group. Parents must screen, listen to, and view movies, music, TV, and websites in order to know what the content contains. They need to play the video games and go online to check Internet sites visited. The point is to involve parents so they can effectively supervise and monitor violent exposure. Deal with National and Spiritual Issues Recognize that the battle over violence and evil is spiritual as well as emotional, behavioral, and cognitive. Encourage families to get plugged into a church, an active youth group, and be equipped to fight violence through prayer and intercession. Families must lay a strong moral and spiritual foundation based on the Word of God. Without it, they have no anchor and are easily influenced by cultural norms. They must take a stand for what is right according to God’s truth. The Christian response is often countercultural. While our therapeutic work can bring significant help to our clients, we recognize the deeper human need. Violence can only be overcome by a transformation of the heart. And that is something only God can do. Therein lies our real hope.
Linda S. Mintle, Ph.D., LCSW, is the author of Kids Killing Kids, Getting Unstuck, and a monthly mental health column for Charisma magazine. Dr. Mintle is also an adjunct professor in the graduate psychology department at Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois. Visit her website: www. Dr.LindaHelps.com.
