When you read these words, somewhere in America, a couple is arguing. Both shout in anger. He walks away ignoring her, knowing that will make her angrier. She follows him into another room, still venting her rage. Finally, without warning, he turns and strikes her, ending the argument. Our first impression of this scene is of the violent male. It is true that men are more likely to commit violent crimes such as aggravated assaults and murders, whereas the bulk of women’s violence in crime is simple assault. Even so, it is simplistic to say that men are the angry sex and women the gentler sex. Men and women show many anger similarities. 1 Men are not always the aggressive sex, and women can show the extremes of anger. The Greek hero Achilles had his share of sulking and pouting in his tent, and the Bible’s Samson seemed quite patient with the schemes of Delilah. On the other hand, few men in history could rival the anger of Shakespeare’s Lady Macbeth or the Bible’s Jezebel. Both men and women shout, sulk, explode, criticize, and commit child abuse. It would be equally untrue to say that there are no differences between the sexes with regard to anger. Men and women do have dissimilar predisposing brains and hormones, and different cultural histories often lead them into differences of anger expression. Knowing the nature of these differences can better help us understand our own and other people’s anger.
The Biology of Male and Female Anger The Brain and Anger Brain differences between the sexes can lead men and women to view anger-producing situations with different mindsets. These same brain differences can also predispose men and women to choose certain responses to anger rather than others.2 In general, women are more likely to display a wider range of emotion in anger than are men. This does not just mean that women cry more when angry, which they do. Women are also more likely than men to verbalize their angers and reasons for their angers. Men, on the other hand, are more likely than women to be aggressive in anger situations. Male anger in general also rises and falls more quickly than female anger. These differences in male and female anger expression are in part a reflection of male and female brain differences. Recent PET scan and fMRI (functional MRI) studies reveal that female brains are more “net like” in that they show more elaborate connections in all cortical areas. The female also has a proportionately larger corpus callosum than the male, which also increases emotional and verbal interconnections to all areas of the female brain. Male brains by contrast possess the same sensory, emotional, and verbal centers of activity but with less neural circuitry connecting the centers. One result of such brain differences is that the female brain seems more personal and detail oriented. The male brain, by contrast, offers a less personal, more abstract view of the world. It is easier for a male to see people as objects and this, along with other factors, may lead him into acts of greater violence and aggression. Women, by contrast, are more likely to use their verbal superiority than muscles to attack, and they will continue arguments internally long after confrontations.
Testosterone and Anger Higher male hormonal levels are also implicated in male aggressiveness and more overt expressions of anger. In most animals from mice to men, with few exceptions, the male of the species is the more aggressive and the male hormone testosterone is implicated in this. Men have 10 times the level of testosterone in their bodies than women have. The organizing effects of testosterone help to develop the male fetal brain and its characteristic disconnectedness. Later, the activating effects of testosterone affect male and female bodies and brains in anger and sexual situations. Both sexes get angry, but the flood of testosterone in the male pushes harder against men toward certain anger expressions. Men and women both use verbal expression, but men overwhelmingly choose physical violence. This does not mean that higher levels of testosterone dictate anger responses.3 Small, weak wives often use loud anger to control their larger, more muscular husbands. Equating high testosterone levels with male aggression is only part of the anger picture. Human male aggressive behavior does not increase at puberty as testosterone levels increase, is not increased by testosterone injections, and is not eliminated by castration. Although a flood of testosterone does not guarantee aggression and anger, it does provide the rush of energy that males can use for aggressive purposes.
Culture and Male and Female Anger Male and female differences in anger expression are not entirely due to biology. Society also conditions or at least reinforces already existing biological differences between men and women. Our culture does in some ways free the male to engage in more overtly aggressive anger. Women, who feel just as angry, learn to show less direct expressions of anger. Society often expects little girls to be nice and sweet and never angry. Society may not encourage aggressive displays in young males, but aggression is more discouraged in young females. Society, therefore, reinforces some of the natural inclinations of men and women with regard to external aggression versus verbal and indirect expressions of anger. It is not clear that little boys and girls are much different before the age of three with regard to anger expression, but, after age three, sex-specific anger expressions are noticed. When little boys begin to kick and hit with more frequency, little girls begin to use more verbal insults and facial expressions such as rolling their eyes, curling their lips, and sticking out their tongues. Boys are quite capable of verbal aggression, but boys shout with their bodies as well as their mouths. Girls soon learn to snub one another, walk off in a huff, pretend not to care, sulk, criticize, gossip. These are indirect expressions of aggression. Culture alone does not cause male and female differences in anger, but cultural training gives male and female anger models for kids to follow. Modern film, for example, is filled with hard hitting, aggressive male heroes, who solve problems by resorting to violence. Until recently women were rarely cast into such roles. With the advent of GI Jane, “Xena, Warrior Princess,” and Star Trek’s fighting Klingon females, we may see the emergence of more overt female aggressiveness. For most women, who place higher values on communication, feelings, and relationships, internalizing anger and developing indirect expressions of anger seem to be common.
Counseling Male and Female Anger All angry males and females need to follow the same biblical teaching on anger—to be slow to anger and to express anger properly.4 But, at the same time, the fact that there are male and female differences in anger expression means that there will be some counseling differences. Men need to control the aggressiveness of their anger and be better listeners and communicators in anger situations. Women need to avoid imitating the violence of men in response to life’s frustrations. Women instead need to learn a proper assertiveness and to model communication in resolving anger situations. Women also need to deal with buried anger in regard to past abuse. Men and women are fallen, hurting people who have common angers and need similar help. But men and women are also different in their anger. Males and females may not be all Mars and Venus, but they do at times seem to be from different worlds in their emotional and behavioral lives. We benefit as counselors and human beings when we know as much as we can about male and female physical and psychological differences and about similar and different counseling paths to biblical self control and peace.
Mark P. Cosgrove, Ph.D., is Professor and Chairman of the Department of Psychology at Taylor University in Upland, Indiana.
